Men Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. [Via Facebook]

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned,he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

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Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.' The American said, 'Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally, now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grand-mother.  More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my fathers'  brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my fathers' son, my brother, is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And, you say you have family  problems!' The Indian fainted.

IN PRISON  - you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell . AT WORK - you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..   IN PRISON - you get three meals a day (free). AT WORK - you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself .   IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.   IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you .. AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself . IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.   IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK  you can not even speak to your family and friends.   IN PRISON all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all. AT WORK You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.   Humm? Which Sounds Better? So what are you waiting for......... Go ahead...and Kill your boss

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were having lunch and Gujjuopened his lunch box & said, "Dhokla ! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too." The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death. The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too. The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!" The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much." Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife. Scroll down ... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . ... .... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . .... ... . ... . . ... ... . ... . . ... The sardaar's wife said, "Don't look at me, He makes his own lunch."

1. A  Foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man  tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are  CLOSED. 2.  One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before  Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you  are HAPPY 3.  Three FASTEST means of Communication :  1.  Tele-Phone 2.  Tele-Vision  3.  Tell to Woman  Need  still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE. 4.  Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends. 5. A  man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and  Best Woman. Next  moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral  : BE SPECIFIC 6.  What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It  is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends. 7.  Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They  see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should  KILL him. Ant  2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we  will just  throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE  him because  he is ALONE and we are FOUR. 8.  If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your  life. 9.  Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their  MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE. 10.  Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.