We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. There are two times a man doesn’t understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage! A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man! A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife! A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want! Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die! If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in! A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all ! A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!" Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced! Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage is a rest period between romances. Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper. Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living. - God forbid. Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter." Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street. TV has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control. Love is dinner in your favorite restaurant. Marriage is a take home packet. Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children. Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa. In love you go to bed early. After marriage, you go to sleep early.